


Archive of Silliness

by Kasan_Soulblade



Series: Fragments and what we spy by them [3]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Botta wsa not bribed, Curxis flunked basicabiology, Gen, Humerous what ifs, Really Botta should of known better, Renegades play volley ball, Yuan is a crab, Yuan's not quite as somber as he puts on, Zelos abuse, and learning the ahrd way when you haven't figured it out, and the renegades have proof, bear fist fighting is not advised, because rocks don't cut it, botta indures, but raine isn't listening, calling Kratos Hunny is the best way to be killed fast, colette still can't figure it out, correction: she's studying it, fighting when broke, indignation judgement gives you wings, knowing when to run, lloyd is an idiot, not the best idea, or anything really, parody of the botta yuan battle, poor Zelos has to bear that brunt, really he wasn't, sheena cant heal, shes killing magi tech, some editing was required, some game related others linked to shards, until impact, why perversion is bad, will be marked accordingly, with cameras, withthe idiot ball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1327468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasan_Soulblade/pseuds/Kasan_Soulblade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because seriousness if over rated.</p><p>A re haul of some of humor fics TOS style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because, seriously, you can only write dark/serious/somber fic for so long before something snaps. 
> 
> Thus the antidote for the somber. More connected to chaos than anything else... some of them do actually have ties or what ifs in established tales.. but they aren't meant to be taken seriously...
> 
> Enjoy!

 

G ID C (Gender identification confusion)

Beaten by Kratos, the Chosen, or rather Chosenes' (as there was more then one Chosen with them at the time) were being kindly escorted up the winding silver and marble paths of Derris Kharlan. It was a somber gathering, a troop of soulless angels surrounding the group of children of Sylvarant and Tethe’alla with spears drawn and leveled to deliver a fatal blow at the order of their leader the Angel of death. The city was silence, silver and silence, and that silence was pierced by the tromp of feet and the appreciative whistle from the red haired Chosen.

"Angel hunnies everywhere, whooh I am in heaven."

He paused to try to look up the skirt of a Angel as if fluttered by but the Tethe’allan ninja smacked him on the back of the head.

You are _sick_ , I knew you were a perv..." Sheena tugged on that mess of hair so that the man's eyes squinted up in pain and he missed the sight of what lay under the white robes of yet another angel that flew overhead. "-but they don't even have souls."

"Ow... ouch, alright eyes on ground I promise!"

Sheena let go of the flowing locks of fire hued hair and Zelos sighed in relief.

"Consider it this way hunny, who needs souls when you got knockers like those chicks? Although considering present company I'd say they pale to a certain voluptuous someone..." Zelos' hand strayed down and Sheena's hand descended upon the sore skull. "Owww!" Zelos clutched his head. "Hey Krabby could you move me up with Colette or something?"

Kratos halted, the other angels escorting them halted, and the Seraphim of Death glared at Zelos with such anger that the Chosen gulped and almost passed out.

"No, I will not, do not ask again, and it is Kratos, Chosen of Tethe'alla."

Zelos nodded meekly and decided to try some new exercise for his looks called the knee knock.

"You know I believe it is the first time I've had someone drive me to the point that I've wanted to be put in a cell before if that meant getting away from them." Raine muttered.

"Amen." Sheena growled.

"I don't understand?" Colette stared at them all in confusion.

Before anyone could pause to try yet again to explain what a pervert was and why Zelos was being socially unacceptable Kratos cut it all off with two words

"We've arrived."

"Wow, sound enthused old man."

Kratos eyebrow rose, as he had spoken in a dull monotone. Not much caring for the sarcasm the Seraph summoned his wings and fluttered off to talk to an angel behind a mess of controls.

"So much for just reaching out and pressing a button." Lloyd sighed, staring at the button-less cells.

"Ha, so that's how you got out in Triet!" Genis chirped, now that he knew at long last how Lloyd had escaped he was going to take total advantage of that...

"Everyone shush." Zelos hissed, "My blonde Hunny's trying to listen and she can't with your yapping."

"Your hunny." Sheena growled.

"Your hunny!" Lloyd sputtered.

Colette, oblivious to is all continued with her report that only Regal, Persea and Zelos had been able to hear. "He's talking to some angels in angelic... security... identification problem... they mentioned Zelos a few times..."

"You're a chosen right?" Lloyd scratched at the back of his head. "Why aren’t you doing this?"

"I... I don't know Angelic Okay?"

  
"Ha ha Zelos doesn't know angeeelic!"

"Shut up brat!"

"Everyone," Regal's cool voice swept over them and enjoined silenced with tone alone. "We must remain quiet so Colette can listen."

Kratos seemed to finish talking to the angel. Lazily he glided down to them; upon landing he turned to Regal and offered a sketchy nod of his head. "That would be unnecessary Mr. Bryant. It seems as if... there is a difficulty identifying Zelos. The prisoners are to be separated by gender and the visual reports are conflicting with the knowledge in Cruxis data base."

There was a long silence, and not even crickets -for there were none in Derris Kharlan- dared chirp for a long long moment.

Finally, "They can't tell whether he's a guy or a girl?" Lloyd reasoned.

"That is correct."

Genis began to laugh and make comments about the new girl in their party.

"Shut UP!" Zelos smacked Genis on the head Raine style.

Genis clutched his head and moaned in pain.

"Zelos!" Raine smacked the Chosen upside the head. "Do not ever think it is acceptable to discipline my brother ever!"

Zelos merely clutched his throbbing skull and whimpered.

"I swear you stick him with the girls I'll kill you." Sheena growled at the Seraph.

"Ms. Sheena, I am a Seraph, not a sadistic bastard. There are limits to what crimes I'll commit.

"Oh come on! Think of it as fulfilling a last request hunny!"

Kratos growled and his fist connected with the Chosen's face. Whimpering in pain the Chosen wailed out a pathetic. "Owww... what was that for!" To which Kratos only growled that if he was ever called "hunny" again he'd vivisect the person in question.  


"Ouch, hit by Raine and Kratos." Lloyd muttered to Genis.

"Owww... Geeze my voluptuous hunny what was that for?"

"...and Sheena." Genis added.

"We might all die down here and you just had to touch my butt ung you sick..."

"But it might be my last day alive hunny, don't you believe in last requests?"

Kratos hid his face with a hand "Put them in their cells already..." He growled at the angelic soldiers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flash fic inspired by my own stupidity... 
> 
> So remember class. If you only want to pay for city renovations post distruction when you do so when you have the gald to spare... and leveling with min items in Mania after surging on city renovations number one leads to something like this...
> 
> you've been warned.

Being broke never helps…

Things were going badly in the battle. The monsters were winning, and the parties lack of funds (most of those given to Pedrio to pay off the rebuilding of Luin) were showing. The first monster's swipe took off the front of Lloyd's chain main armor, and the second slash was going to rip out the contents of Lloyd's chest cavity. Genis' frantically thrown spell saved Lloyd from a messy death, and from the other end of the battle field there was a cry of rage.

Raine looked up to see Kratos holding the hilt of his now broken blade, the man twitched then tossed the ruined weapon aside and went after the bear with his bare hands.

Stubborn, stupid… sometimes she swore Kratos was rasher than Lloyd…

The contest of strength between man and bear went its proper course- which was the fast way of saying that Kratos was slashed in a hundred places and the bear was squinting out of its now black eye.

"For the Love of Martel…" Raine grumbled, putting a hand over her face. Colette was reduced to throwing _rocks_ now, their funds were so low that they couldn't afford to by the girl weapons… Colette got a luck throw, bopped the bear that was busy mauling Kratos. The creature looked up from its meager meal of mercenary and growled, lumbering towards them.

"I'm out of cards!" Sheena wailed. "I can't do _anything_ without my weapon!"

"Summon something!" Lloyd screamed, running away from a harpy…

And the harpy was gaining, and the look in its eyes told the elder Sage that it wasn't hunger that was making it chase Lloyd so avidly.

Noishe, wisest of them all had high tailed it long long ago, if only he'd thought to take a few of them along.

"Resurrection!" Raine screamed, and low and behold the mercenary –covered in his own blood, and dazed looking- was alive once again.

Raine considered the situation, they were losing wounded, the wisest thing would be to do a fast healing and then bolt… but with everyone running around –dodging monsters and the like- there wasn't a prayer of snow in Triet that she'd be able to get off enough "First Aides" to save everyone.

"Maiden of the Mist… I summon you come Undine!"

The battle froze, even the monsters froze at the girl's stern tone, but when nothing appeared Sheena growled and the monsters went back to harassing the Regeneration group with renewed zeal.

"Why isn't it working? It worked the last time!"

"It's because you're not in Overlimit!" Kratos roared, this time the man was proving to be a little smarter as he was running from the bear rather than punching it.

"Say what?"

"No clue." Genis said, then he chanted and lifted a hand to cast an "eruption" spell… and only a few meager sparks snapped from the end of his fingers. "Ack, I'm out of magic!" He turned to her, his eyes wide and pleading –she couldn't recall a time he'd plead for a gel but desperate times made for desperate measures she guessed-. "Raaaaine do we have an orange gel?"

"No!" Raine lifted her staff to keep the claws of a descending harpy away from her face. The weapon cracked alarmingly and she threw the fragments at the ancient artifact in at the retreating creatures back. "Just run, run and don't look back."

Outmatched, (outclassed, out leveled, outgunned, whatever you want to call it) the Regeneration group grabbed the tattered remains of their dignity and abandoned the field.


	3. Chapter 3

"A Renegade's Entertainment"  
 _One day in the Renegade base Sylvarant..._

_"Ow, shit!"_

_Lloyd rubbed his scorched cheek and glared at the miniature pillar thingie._

_"I can't believe a rock just bit me! You stupid..." He kicked at it, his time it was his toe that got cooked by purple light. "Ack, Damn it... I thought only fire burned! Ow ow ow!" He hopped a bit, brought his toe up and breathed on his toes, that were very visible since the boot had literally been cooked away. "Man this stinks." He sniffed and made a face. "In more then one way..."_

_He put his stinging foot down, and learned first hand -or rather foot- how cold the steel was. A quick glance around showed him where the "panels" were. They were the only thing not made of metal in the room. He stared at the green thing, walked across it, hopped up and down on it. Nothing, absolutely nothing. He sat, tapped his head with a finger trying to remember where he'd heard that sound before..._

_He recalled the time Genis had tossed a fireball in his father's smithy and set off a small explosion. No that hadn't made the right sound...  
He recalled the water spell Genis used on him as they trekked through the dessert. Considering he was on cold steel tiled floor he quickly banished those thoughts. _

_Certainly wasn't wind mana, not earth mana, so what was left?  
He rubbed his head, sparks snapped from his hair, and he had it! _

_Lightning! Thunder! Electricity! That was it!_

_Now all he needed was a small thunderstorm in room and he was set!_  
Then reality reared its head... Without Genis he might as well be stuck, unless he wanted to rub his head against the tiles and hope that it would open the doors. But then staying here forever was pretty stupid, and if it worked... Well if it did he wouldn't say a word to Genis about how he did it. Taking a deep breath, hoping he was right, Lloyd went to the pedestal and with a grimace lowered his head.  
  
X

Botta's eyes gleamed with humor, his lips twitched, his face beamed warmth that sometimes would bubble up in cases of the giggles. It had been like this for two days. One day, one instant, and Yuan would have ascribed it to the "giggles". That annoying epidemic that made fools of the wise and grated on his nerves. Two days and he was forced to wonder if there was something plastered to his cape, a sticky reading "kick me" or something under those lines. For the supposed saviors of the world the Renegades could be rather childish, he'd put a stop to some very stupid pranks in his time as Leader and forlornly wondered if the fits of his behavior were some result of Mithos holding the controls of the two worlds for far too long.

Perhaps immaturity was a contagious thing, and it drifted on the mana that radiated out from the Tower.

If so it was another reason to see the blasted thing demolished.

Looking at his Second's suppressed grin and twinkling eyes Yuan told himself to check his cape after the man had left.

"Report." Yuan snapped, and at this show of ill humor, the actual inflection of bad mood coloring his words with a tint of anger, Botta did not sober up.

"The... Chosen and her companions... have last been seen approaching Ossa trail Sir."

"Is that it, is that all you have to say Second?"

"Yes Sir, permission to leave Sir?"

"Granted." Yuan stared at the clock on his desk and frowned, Botta had pleaded some duty around this time the day before... on the exact same hour even. This was a serious break in their custom; it was almost a break in protocol. Frowning, Yuan snapped his sapphire gaze up so that it bore into Botta's back like a drill. "Hold it, Second Botta."

Botta froze, his white robes rustled about him he stopped so suddenly. Yuan pushed the chair back and stood, the only sound that marked his presence was the whisper of his cape, he stopped a step away from his humored Second, then crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Had it been anyone else under his glare and impassive arms-crossed pose they'd have been stewing in their own sweat. Botta was more relaxed around his superior then any of the other Renegades, but than that relaxation was based on the tentative friendship between them.  The man was just familiar enough with Yuan's "tell me everything while I give you nothing back"-itus to be bothered by it.  It helped the Second secretly found the whole pose amusing.

"I find it very. fascinating that for two days you have had pressing business on the second hour past noon that demands you leave my presence at a run."

"I am busy Sir, and have business on this hour."

  
"And I also find it fascinating that when you leave it is much like the air of a child going to the candy store."

"Ah..." Botta blinked, and there came that sheen of sweat appeared and the heady scent of fear Yuan was so accustomed to scenting.

"If you would enlighten me upon what exactly you are doing I might find it in my heart to release you…”

"We are going over the security tapes... Sir... to study the weakness' in the bases' ah... defenses." Botta swallowed nervously.

"Indeed..." Yuan frowned. "If you were then why are you so scared Botta? You look like I've caught you rummaging through my possessions."

"I am not used to being interrogated Sir."

"Until I get a fuller answer Botta, _get_ used to being questioned. If I find any of the men have even put one camera or tape recorder in my private chambers there will be heads rolling on the floor. _Literally_. Now get out." Yuan went to his chair, sank into the leather and was obscured by the mess of papers on his desk save the tip top of his blue hair. He reached up, took a handful and snatched up a pen, burrowing himself in the asinine day to day work running a bureaucratic organization entailed.

"Sir... we wouldn't do that... The Renegades respect you too much for any of us to even discuss doing that."

Blue eyes, newly reviled for their paper shuffling glared up at him.  "That's not respect Second, its fear, nothing more nothing less."

Botta made a noise of protest but he did leave, perhaps the man realized his chat with Yuan was going to make him late to whatever entertainment he had stumbled over. Uncaring, or rather putting on the facade of indifference, Yuan went over the first paper...

Sylvarant's Trietian base was making a request for more water so they wouldn't be leaching off of the human settlement's scant supplies. A good cause... but where to get that water, that was an issue. Finger drumming the top of his desk, mind wandering over a few plans, it wasn't long before Botta and his little entertainment were the farthest thing from his mind.

X

"Sir, umm Botta, you made it!" A black clad man sporting a shiny steel helmet smiled and waved upon seeing him. "Does Lord Yuan give you too much work or what?"

"Something like that." Botta smiled at Aroon, the younger Renegade swordsman chuckled at his superior's follow up question. "How was patrol?"

  
"Slow... boring... even the bandits are getting bored, no one’s trying to kill each other anymore. We just tromp in a hundred plus weather cookin' our brains in these..." Aroon tapped the helmet and Botta chuckled. "And scare humans to make it look like there is a Desian camp somewhere out there."

"Ah." Botta sniffed the air; there was a hint of fire mana and butter about the room. The sound of corn seedlings bursting into nice, white, fluffy popcorn made him smile.

"So... you do have it right?"

Grinning Botta summoned the disk, and it appeared in his hand with a flash of red light.

"Alright!" Aroon laughed. "Damn those Tethe'allan Renegades, they got to watch it first! Talk about being on the short end of the stick. They always get the good stuff first."

"Oh stop whining and put it in!" Called a Renegade who was done setting up the projector disk. They'd set the playing disk -the one in Botta's hand- on the three foot long disk on the floor and all images on the "playing disk" would be revealed in three dimensional glory. It made the Tethe'allan device called "television" seem like a joke.

"It could be worse." Botta said, handing the disk to Aroon. "They had to watch it on TV, we get the Projector."

Seeing that the food was being handled by the few Renegades who could cook and the refreshment table for this miniature party was almost done being set up he decided to help the Renegades who were busy about the chairs. The only bad thing was that this disk would have to be used several times, since it was only possible for thirty people to comfortably be fit in the room with the Projector. Botta wondered how many viewings he could squeak in before Yuan became really suspicious, and decided he'd get in as many as he could.

He'd seen this before, of course they all had seen it before as Yuan had shown it to them to rail about how bad security was. After all a child with wooden swords breaking out of their base was inexcusable... But when a Renegade with a slip of humor had seen those tapes he'd requested a copy and had made some alterations.

" _And here we see test subject Lloyd whatever his last name is name watching the game of poker being played_..."

They were playing it now? There were some cat calls, some whining, all telling the tale of a klutx bumping into the projector. A click and whilr told all and one that it was turned it off and reset. Still, the prieview had set some snickers loose from the gathered Renegades.  Botta, a bit more reserved, settled for smiling, and decided he agreed with public concencious.  The narrator sounded very much like a girly Yuan.

And the idea of listening to that narrator for a good half hour sounded nice. Especially since he had to deal with the real and completely humorless Yuan.  If only he could stop making comparisons when the man talked, it'd make keeping a straight face easier.  
X

It was over in a half hour, a well spent half hour, and after hearing that he knew he'd never be able to unhear it.  Nor would he be able to look the real Yuan in the face without. Some bawdy joke about sparrows and Sparrows kept him smiling, even as he made his way to his office. Inside he'd sawn Yuan's handwork, and vengeance more likely.  Paperwork paperwork everywhere... once he saw he'd be lost.  That was perhaps on of the most Hellish aspect of his work. It was a impressive compilation of all the complaints and issues of the base, Botta admired, still the sculpting it to a sand castle  like shape spoke of someone with too much time.  Resolving to find that prankster an share the joy of his pages, Botta sat and was hidden save for the spikes of his hair.

Being a Renegade foot solder again never seemed so alluring.

Initial mental grumbling aside Botta snatched at the top of the nearest pile. It was time to get to work. Overall it was dull, plodding, but a lot of it demanded that he answer it immediately so he spent several hours at his desk and only called it quits when the clock on the wall told him it was well past midnight. He was half awake by then, locked in a  fuddled state that left him in it was the closest to "drunk" he'd been in ages, such were the gifts of fatige. Mind filled with scattered thoughts he drifted across the base with images of soft feather mattress and linen sheets ancing about.

So when picked up the papers that he was to turn in to Yuan it went without saying he wasn't thinking.

Later he would say that it must have been his sleep deprivation that made him do it, but whatever the cause he put in the last paper in the "go to Yuan" pile, picked up the lot and shuffled off to his superior's office. He never noticed that the altered disk went missing on that trip.

X

"Botta, is that all for me? I just cleared off my desk and you give me more to do, I'd be touched... but I'm not." Botta did not rise to the sarcasm and spying the black rings and bleary eyes the blue haired Seraph did not wonder why. Botta muttered a few words, a genuine lack of sleep on black haired half elf's part blurring them so that even Yuan's keep ears couldn't tell him what was what.

He dismissed his Second with a curt "Get to sleep you look like Hell" then stared at the first bit of white on his once clear desk.

"Rene... you were right, I should have just kept this small. You were always warning me about the paperwork and I should have just listened to you instead of going on about how much better I am then a mortal to tending everything since I don't sleep. Now look at me... I'm a damned Bureaucrat!" Yuan let out a bark of laughter. "You and Martel must be having a laugh about all of this now..."

Yuan smiled, ran a digit over his wedding ring.  
"But we're getting closer, so close to a time where we can actually hurt them, so it will be worth it in the end..."

Talking to the ghosts of his past however was not conductive to clearing off his desk, so he reached out and picked up the last of the paperwork. Perhaps if he got it all done before six in the morning he'd reward himself by attempting to sleep. Now there was a pleasing thought! Smiling the Seraph picked off the first paper, as he reached for a fresh pen, and a glint of metal caught his attention mid reach.

"What the...?"

Yuan pulled out a small hand held disk.  Old model, Sylvarant styled, and conveniently compatible with a projector inside his desk.

Written on the front in large was the following: "Entertainment R. Meros, 7, origca 4242, camera unit xs984E3"

"Entertainment hmmm..." Yuan considered the disk, considered his desk. He had a mini-projector unit, while the image would be small he could at least listen to it and snatch peeks while he was working. "It's worth a shot... Let's see what they find amusing then."

He got very little work done that evening.

X

The guards who held evening watch outside of Yuan's office blinked, was that... snickering? They looked at each other in askance, but none had the courage to go to the door and disturb their Lord. They almost hopped out of their plate mails when the a bout of hysterical high pitched laughter arched through the air.  It was cut off by a thud and a few muffled curses punctured by wheezes. For steel, the doors seemed to be all of paper tonight.

"What in God's name is going on in there? Has he finally...?" The younger whispered, then put a finger to his temple and spun it in a circle to give the universal sign for nuts.

"Eyes forward, ears closed, just keep telling yourself that." Muttered the senior guard.

"But..."

"Do you _want_ to be fried with a shock orb?"

"No sir!"

"Then just don't ask him anything when he finally does come out."

X  
Custom dictated that he was to report to Yuan in the morning, go to his office and begin any paperwork that had been left for him the night before, then oversee what patrols were under manned. He did so, and Yuan had stared at him but had curtly ordered him from the office after a mere second after he’d stepped inside.  No paperwork, no orders, no nothing.

This break of tradition, this lack of briefing on the Chosen or... _anything_ was a bit alarming. Still Botta went through with the rest of his routine. Upon returning to his office he tackled the last of his paperwork and found someone had left an envelope under the lot.  A few scrawls in a language he couldn't read served to identify the contents. Frowning, Botta ripped the thing open, and a small hand sized disk slipped out.

_Oh my Goddess, I gave this to him. When... it must have been last... Did he watch-_

Botta felt his mouth sag open, terror, horror, fear, flashed across his mind as he stared in numb shock as a small slip paper that had slid out of the envelope. With a trembling hand he unfolded it; the letter quaked in his hand making it all the harder to read.

_Second Botta,_

_I imagine you need this back for today's Renegade Entertainment. The contents were... interesting to say the least. I would like to know the identity of the man who made this it seems as if he needs a faulty castration procedure reversed._

_Lord Yuan_  
  
Botta stared at the note, did not blink for a long time, and like that day almost twenty years ago when he got his first note from Yuan declaring his promotion Botta reached out and pinched his arm. He did not wake up, nor did the letter's writing changed.

He read the letter again and the horror drained out of him, and a faint hint of a smile touched his face.

Perhaps his Lord was not as humorless as he had thought.


	4. Chapter 4

"Aww man, bud, why didn't you tell me the Renegade leader was a cute half elf chick?"

Botta had a suspicious fit of coughing at that moment and Sheena, Genis, Rega, Raine, Colette, and Presea scooted far away from Zelos… Well as much as the tight hanger room would allow.

"Zelos, Yuan's a guy."

"No way!"

"Way…"

"Never, The Z. Radar is never off! Watch I'll prove it!"

The red haired chosen advanced on the horrified looking Renegade leader. Before Yuan could cast his trademark lightning orb spell he was glomped by Zelos. Botta started choking on the knuckle he'd bit down on to keep from laughing, and Sheena was nearly in tears from her laughter.

"What… I bet you're all jealous." Zelos sniffed. "Come on, gotta be a girl, long luxurious locks." Zelos lazily twirled the said locks between two fingers. "The name… Yuan, who'd name a guy kid _Yuna._ Totally girl material, why I he isn't I'll…"

"Has the fact that _he_ is casting Indignation caught your attention yet?" Genis yelled.

"Huh?"

There was a roar of lightning and thunder, a loud sizzle, and a half dead Zelos went flying over their heads like a red-haired meteor.

"So…" Botta's voice was shaking from suppressed laughter. "Should I get the video from this room's camera ma'am er I mean Sir?"

"Yes." Yuan hissed, his voice so pissed that it sounded like something from a horror movie… or perhaps one of those undead snake people from the shadow temple. "Later.'

"Wouldn't want this conversation to circulate amongst the Renegades, eh Sir?"

"Botta… I don't appreciate the humor at the moment."

"Zelos' HP is currently at five percent… should we heal him?"

"HP?" The two renegades blinked, staring at the ax wielding child before them.

"You get used to that." Lloyd sighed.

"Renegade leaders Yuan Vor'esse and Botta no-last-name.”

“Hey I _do_ have a last anme and it’s-“

Level of Challenge, Easy.

Weapons; Swallow and ice blade.

Elements of primary attack:

Yuan; lightning,

Botta; earth and fire.

S T attack preference:

Botta, T

Yuan S.

Defense level: average… fifty.

Specie statistics:

Botta: Human

Yuan: Angelic."

"But I'm a half elf…" Botta protested.

Current enemy statistics:

Botta's Status: confusion, stun

Yuan's status: confusion, overlimit

Recommendation:

Current party should be at level thirty five. Melee fighters should be employed as Yuan is primarily a spell caster and is prone to distraction. If challenge rating should be moved to "mania" then all party members should equip the Stun and paralysis talisman so that all have a slight defense against Yuan's Indignation Judgment tech and the possibility of being paralyzed or stunned by the lighting tech… which has a base for five percent chance of happening per Yuan's difficulty level…

"How long's this going to last?" Yuan sighed, pointing to the still rambling Presea.

"When she talks about HP and TP you know she's wrapping up." Lloyd sighed.

"Fascinating… it seems as if Presea's insane monologue actually has some relation to reality." Raine murmured, looking at the glazed eyes of Botta. "Perhaps she is seeing some higher level of reality?"

"Raine! There's nothing wrong with Presea!" Genis yelled.

Regal nodded. "Alicia was prone to having similar fits, when they passed she was perfectly normal, and many of her statements were true… although I never did quite grasp the "level" thing she kept talking about." The shackled man said with a sigh.

Yuan pulled out his palm pilot and began to rearrange his tasks for the day, he had a feeling that this was going to take a looong time.

"You try to sneak on those rheiards before I kick your butt and I'll lightning orb you so hard your father will feel it in Derris Kha- er I mean heaven."

Lloyd sighed, and stopped sneaking towards the airships.

"But it's reeeed." He whined. "And it flies…."

"And if you crash it again you'll pay the insurance for it." Yuan snapped.

Lloyd wisely put his hands behind his back before he broke anything else and wound up paying "insurance" he didn't know what it was, but it sounded bad.

There was a gasp as Presea took a deep breath and began the other half of her ramble.

Genis watched and listened to Presea ramble, adoration in his eyes. Regal yawned, pulled out a book from his packs and began to read. Raine went over to an innocent piece of magi technology and began to go bonkers. Colette hummed and threw her throwing rings, and Lloyd fell asleep while standing up. Sheena sighed, nudged the still smoking Zelos with a foot then pulled out a card.

"Purgatory seal!"

"Oww… Thanks for begin' me back hunny!"

"Don't call me hunny!"

_Smack_

"Oww… what a sorry way to go…"

"Opps…" Sheena sighed. "Purgatory seal!"

"You saved me, I love you hunny!"

_Smack_

"Oww… what a sorry way to go…"

"Not _again_! Raine, heal him and give him more than a smack's worth of life!"

Raine in magi-technology mode didn't hear a word.

Yuan was torn, save the machine, watch the entertainment of Zelos being brought back, only to be killed by his "hunny", or wake up his Second. The Seraph sighed; Botta looked like he was going to have some sort of brain aneurism if he listened to anymore of the little pink haired girl's rambling.

"Botta, wake up!" He snapped his fingers together under his second's nose.

"Huh… what?"

"She's done now!" Yuan growled.

"She is?"

That sentiment echoed round and round the room as everyone asked the same thing and looked at Presea with a certain dread. But miracle of miracles… she was being quiet and taciturn as usual.

Blessed silence fell and was savored for a long moment.

"I'm bored, can we fight you already?" Lloyd whined.

"Sir, can we please get our buts kicked by their superior numbers now, I'm late for my senior officer no Yuan allowed meeting…"

Yuan groaned, was he the only sane one in both of the worlds?

"Alright, fine, stop whining, now, where were we before I was interrupted?"

Flipping through his book of rules Botta came to the appropriate section. "You normally have to say a lame and cheesy battle quote before you enter conflict sir."

"Oh right… wait… lame and _what_!"

"Err… sorry that's the Second's manual." Botta hastily flipped a few pages. "Here's your section… "Yuan must overawe them with his wit, sarcasm, and bishene- oh wait fan girl section…"

Crickets chirped, how crickets came to be in the Renegade base in such an extreme environment of steel, electricity, and hundreds of bug hating half elves serving as custod- er guards… yes they were _guards_ not custodians, no one would demean the pwnage of the random renegades by alluding to the fact that they were just on base cleaning help, right?… Right.

"Umm hey Botta, did you leave the key in the ignition like last time?" Lloyd asked.

"Y- er I mean "no", and I did "not" receive two hundred thousand gald for doing so."

"Just checking…"

Yuan frowned, looked at his Second, then to Lloyd, something was going on here, but he wasn't too sure as to what…

"Er herm… So you have come like butterflies to the flower…"

Snickering came from everyone at that point, even Botta laughed.

"S… sir may I make a suggestion. The original saying was 'like moths to the flame.'"

"What he said."

Even poor -has been resurrected fifty times- Zelos was laughing now.

"Are you taking notes Lloyd? You could learn a few new lines from him!" Genis snickered.

"Shut it Genis!" Lloyd roared.

Botta sighed, pulled out his palm pilot and began to rearrange his schedule; this was going to take a while. He watched with cool distant eyes as Yuan and Lloyd began to yell that the other's lines were lame, their lines were cooler.

The last item on his list Botta hesitated on moving it, but with a sigh had to admit that his psychologist appointment was not going to be happening if he spent all of tonight in the medical wing after the upcoming fight…

"Lloyd… pick your party."

"Ummm…"

"Great Presea, now he has to think, we could be here all month." Zelos groaned.

"For that..." Lloyd stuck out his tongue. "I chose Genis, Zelos, and Sheena."

"But Sheena can't heal!" Genis whined.

"I know but… hey where'd everyone else go?"

And lo-and-behold the rest of the party was gone.

"This is why patrols are only four people at most." Yuan said sagely. "It's really creepy when it happens so I try to minimize the times it does."

"Amen." Botta shuddered, pocketing his palm pilot.

"Ohhh…" Lloyd blinked. "For the right to use the red shiny flying ships I challenge both of you to…."

"If you say "mortal combat" I'm going to fireball you Lloyd." Genis growled.

"Then I'll electric orb you." Yuan chimed in.

"Then I'll stone blast you…" Botta snapped.

"OK I won't say it… sheesh…"

"Thank you!" The Renegade and Regeneration groups said in unison.

"Now then…" Yuan pulled off his cloak and tossed it aside… a freak breeze picked it up and it smacked into Zelos.

"What a sorry way to go…" Zelos slumped forward, yet again, dead.

"Not… for the love of Jizuho! Purgatory seal's worth nothing!"

"You just noticed… sheesh Mithos figured it out four thousand years ago after the first time he used it on Kratos…"

Everything seemed to freeze as even Lloyd picked up the implications of that statement.

"N… no that I'd know that personally or anything… just hear-say and all that… And did I say Kratos… well it's certainly not that blue winged auburn haired Kratos that we all know now!"

"They aren't buying it Sir." Botta sighed.

"Look, flashy light screens!" Yuan pointed behind the Regeneration group.

Once they were properly confused he drew his swallow and attacked, it wasn't much of a save but hey it was a save. And he'd beat them, they were just kids, how could he lose?

(five minutes later, renegade base medical center)

"That was fast…" Botta croaked.

"It's always like that." Random renegade number fifty croaked from the cot at Botta's right. "There's so many of us in here that the boys all got together, average fight take about five minuets. Vidar's got the record though, took them six minutes for them to take him down. How long did it take you guys to get creamed?"

"Ummm…" Botta looked to Yuan.

"Ten minutes, but we defeated one of them; they dragged off the bloody corpse." Yuan said, smoothly glossing over the face he'd counted every second twice, and that Sheena had screamed that she wasn't bringing Zelos back just to die for the hundredth time, he could just lie there and bleed.

"Impressive Sir." Botta said, rolling his eyes.

"Botta." Yuan closed his eyes. "Just shut up."


End file.
